How can parents help encourage their children's aspirations?

Jun 15, 2017
4 min read

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

When we have this conversation with our children, we begin to help them frame their dreams for adulthood. Parents know that children are sponges, they absorb our words and behaviors constantly. This can be deeply gratifying--and also intensely mortifying when we watch them do or say something we regret modeling.

Parents are our children's first teachers. Research indicates that the conversations children have with their parents about college have a greater impact on later college attendance than the conversations children have with their peers. You read that correctly parents: you have more influence on your child's decision to attend college than his or her friends! Use your power wisely and encourage your child to reach for the stars.

We cannot achieve what we do not dream. Students with postsecondary aspirations are more likely to apply to college, and students who apply are more likely to attend and graduate. However, an "aspirations gap" persists today. In one largescale study, twelve percent of eighth graders reported that they did not plan on attending college at all. Of the children who do dream of attending college, many do not enroll, and many of those who enroll do not graduate within six years. Just 32 percent of Americans have college degrees.

Another notable research finding is that all parents have limited access to information about financial aid and tend to overestimate tuition costs. This is particularly true for parents who did not attend college. Unfortunately, the aspirations of children whose parents did not attend college tend to be lower than those of children whose parents have bachelor’s degrees.

Parents who didn't go to college can rest easy: your education doesn't impact your child's college attendance so long as your child actually takes the steps to apply and enroll in college. These steps include preparing academically, taking college admissions tests, and submitting application materials.

What can parents do to help?

Support high aspirations by changing the way you talk about the future. Starting in infancy, always say "When you are in college..." (rather than "If you go to college..."). This easy shift in language plants the seed of college aspirations in children at an early age.

Encourage your child's wildest dreams and help him visualize making them come true. When your four year old daughter says she wants to be an astronaut you say, "Yes you can!" Stargaze with her on a summer night and help her learn about planets and constellations. Encourage her in math and science, and present her with examples of other women who became astronauts. If you have the resources, sign her up for space camp, or help your child design a summer project to learn more. Help her make connections between her schoolwork and her dreams. As her interests change, maintain high expectations while you help her reframe her goals.

As children grow, help them start to hone in on career paths that may be of interest. Although we want to encourage exploration into a wide range of careers, it is never too early to start identifying and working towards a goal. As Angela Duckworth's work on what she calls grit indicates, some of the most successful people in history achieved their dreams because they pursued one goal with passion and persistence. Many of the people with grit that she studied were so successful that they could go on to pursue different, grander dreams after they accomplished their initial goals.

Remember that children don't know about the range of career options available in the world. Ask friends and family and the professionals you interact with to talk about their jobs and the training required. Use each visit to the dentist or eye doctor as an opportunity to explore a career path for your child.

Don't let a single opportunity to encourage aspirations pass unnoticed. Help your children relate their passions to career options. For instance, when you see someone working on a telephone pole, say to your third grader: "You love to climb trees, that might be a fun job for you when you grow up." This helps children make a connection between their interests and their career goals.

Similarly, ensure that your child does not limit his future career options through weak academic performance. Encourage a growth mindset so your child knows that he can learn anything through hard work. Reframe statements like, "Some of us aren't math people" into, "You're building those math muscles and it's hard work." Carol Dweck's work on growth mindsets indicates that when students believe that their success is due to effort, rather than innate ability, they get better grades, are more likely to persist when faced with challenges, and can recover from failure more easily.

Most importantly, empower your children to be the primary agents in their own lives. This is their future happiness, not yours. One mother (soon to be a grandmother!) responded to my Audience and Assumptions post and I love her point. She said,

The child should not be overlooked and should be considered the 4th audience. Children need to take an active role in the education process so they become active, rather than passive, learners. This role of the child grows as they age, but if started in the lower grades they become much better prepared to work towards the college step in the high school years.

Children develop greater confidence and self-efficacy when they are empowered to accomplish their short- and long-term goals. As your child is empowered to "own" her educational goals, she will be more likely to make connections between what she is learning and her dreams.

Don't expect your children to do it all themselves, you can guide them in the process of setting goals and following their dreams while giving them freedom to fail. Do allow your children the dignity to dream their highest and try their best. Their futures depend upon it.

"Whether or not you reach your goals in life depends entirely on how well you prepare for them and how badly you want them. You're eagles! Stretch your wings and fly to the sky." Ronald McNair, Astronaut